My first note for season 2 was: HOLY SHIT WATCH THIS SHIT ON YOUR IPAD BECAUSE IT LOOKS LIKE STRAIGHT TRASH ON YOUR TV
My second note was: DRAG'S COME A LONG WAY, SOME OF THESE BITCHES LOOK LIKE PATRICK SWAYZE IN A DRESS, JUST A LITTLE...WRONG?
I think this is a metaphor for this season? It's like a cable-access, DIY, ratchet version of seasons 4+. But it's sort of comforting to know that even motherfuckin' RuPaul needs some time to get her creative sea legs? It inspires me to just, like, do shit. Do it do it do it, get better later. But don't worry your pretty little wigs, there are still some good moments along this memory lane, CHECK IT -->
Let's be real, Tyra won because she was the prettiest, the fishiest, and the bitchiest. She also had the best outfits. Tyra's the closest to what we expect from our queens today in terms of a cohesive presentation. Also she's a little whiney bitch, but whatever, she looks great.
Tyra is such an asshole during the wedding challenge. She won't stop singing, she's horrifically off-key, and she annoys everyone. She acts like a baby. She hot glues lace to her arms and legs and cries and moans like she's not doing it to herself. Everyone hates her. Who cares, put this bitch on the cover of Martha Stewart Weddings RIGHT NOW.
What the fuck are these challenges?
Dude, the queens do "burlesque" that is just straight up raunchy stripping in front of Dita Von Teese for chrissake. At some point they eat cow balls like they're on Fear Factor and Morgan McMichaels pukes in a bucket. This shit is weird. They marry themselves in the wedding challenge. Whut. But they also make outfits out of curtains in the Gone With the Wind challenge and I wish they had to sew more lewks nowadays. Now they're always just giving them corsets to glue shit on, lame.
God loves Mystique
I mean he must, because how has this bitch not broken a hip yet? She left the show early to pick up a two piece and a biscuit, but before she goes, she jumps from the greatest of heights and slams her puss all over the runway. And I mean, slams it.
Sonique gets nekkid
Sonique (queen of the dark lip liner with light lips) and Morgan McMichaels lip sync for their respective lives and Sonique takes this opportunity to remove her Spring Break Panama City 2004 red-tiger-striped dress and flip flop all around the stage in a matching bra and thong. As soon as this started I was like, gross, gross, gross. Then my kiddo came into the room, sat on the ottoman, and started rooting for Morgan McMichaels because even a seven year old recognizes trash when he sees it. Ru says Morgan has the tightest lip sync they've ever seen and it's bye bye Sonique.
The library is open
Lots happens on this finale, huntys, but honestly, all I care about is this: