GIRL, WHERE ARE YOU?

So blah blah blah we don't know where Richard Simmons is, or maybe we do. I honestly have no idea since I only listened to the first episode of that Pod Cast. Once Richie got his foot ran over by a tour bus in front of his mansion I was OUT. I love him. I love the work he has done and all of the love he has given to so many. He's great. BUT. You guys. I don't really care. (Hi. I'm the worst human) I mean I'm obviously celebrity obsessed, but I have my limits. LEAVE THAT MAN ALONE. He needs a rest. You know who doesn't need a rest? All of these ladies. WHERE ARE THEY and WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY UP TO? You're welcome. I know you've been worried about them too, so here you go.

Danica McKellar

Danica is an actress, mathematics writer, and education advocate? Most of those words make me LOL but I'm a secrtary for a rabbi, like what the hell do I know about having a career or doing anything. She's your favorite girl next door from The Wonder Years. She graduated summa cum laude from UCLA with a degree in Math. She's done a ton of TV since we were little baby people and has a series of books targeted at kids interested in studying math. My favorite title? Math Doesn't Suck. LOL, Danica. Girl. I don't think so.

Vanessa Williams 

I know the Queen of Heaven and Earth is not missing. She's performing in St. Charles, MO tomorrow (April 1) night, honey and you should rent a helicopter and GET TO MO. Crawl if necessary. Flap your wings. Figure it out. Vanessa is the best. Why shouldn't we talk about her all the time? I love Vanessa so much that I watched that awful show 666 Park Avenue just so I could be bathed in her arched eyebrow and side eye. Remember the Penthouse scandal way back in the early 80s? I've seen ALL of Ms Williams. What did it teach me? ... that I want to be FABULOUS. I can't wait to see what she does next. Can we get her a TV or Broadway show, please? RIGHT NOW.

Julie Gentry

Please tell me you remember Julie. You know ... JULIE ... the Southern girl, inspiring dancer (though her father wanted her to study to be a computer expert ... whatever that means ... wait ... for real ... what did that mean in 1992) Julie Gentry was the youngest cast member on the first season of The Real World. Holy Cow. Remember when reality television was new and different and exciting? Remember when the first thing that came to mind when someone said REALITY TV was NOT the Kardashians? Sigh. Those were the days. She and model Eric Nies (screams) became super close and she talked super loud and said a lot of dumb stuff and made me super ashamed to be Southern. Well, she's 44 now and lives in Birmingham, AL where she teaches a dance class. Computer expert! HA! We're all computer experts now, Dad. If we wanna exist in the world.

Natalie Merchant

I was on my way to work this week with my iPhone/iPad/magic music device shuffling my music as usual. Suddenly Natalie was in the car with me. She was giving me her whole heart singing Wonder and it was the 90s again and all I wanted to do was skip my Theatre History class so I could sleep late and smoke cigs. Sigh. I love music. It takes you away! Did you know she dated Michael Stipe? Did you know she released a "reimagined" version of Tigerlily in 2015? OMG. YOU GUYS. OMG.  ...laughed as she came to my cradle ... Know this child will be able ... Laughed as my body she lifted ... Know this child will be gifted ... With love, with patience, and with faith!!

A.J. Langer

WHO? Rayanne Graff, obviously. Don't you miss kooky, crazy, and fun Rayanne from My So-Called life? After MSCL she appeared in the cast of a number of sitcoms. Then took a few years off from acting, that is until a 14 episode stint on Private Practice in 2011. Here's some dirt for you that you probably do not know, unless you're a SUPER DUPER fan. Langer married attorney Charles Courtenay -- AHEM -- LORD Courtenay, the son of Hugh Courtenay, 18th Earl of Devon. Her husband became the 19th Earl of Devon upon his father's death in 2014. This made her Countess of Devon. The couple have two children and have relocated their family to London, and to the family seat at Powderham Castle. Which can only mean one thing: Angela is totally crying in a corner somewhere.