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Hi.

Our thumbs are basically numb from texting back and forth 24/7 about everything we love (AND HATE) that's happening on our televisions, iPads, and eye glasses (hi, we think we're funny) and we thought WHY NOT SHARE THIS JOY WITH THE WORLD?!  

DORINDA MAKES IT NICE

DORINDA MAKES IT NICE

The only thing I love more than The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills is ... cheese. A very close second place would be The Real Housewives of New York City. My ladies are back and I am so excited that I don't have a breath of a hint of a moment of a space between Beverly Hills and NYC. I wouldn't be able to take all that free time. How would I live without the drama. WHAT WOULD I DO?

Everyone is back this year except for Jules. Poor thing. She did alright last year, but went through a divorce somewhere near the end of last season. There's a note. Don't do a reality show if your marriage isn't 100%. You won't make it. I liked Jules, I'm gonna pour a little green smoothie out for her tonight (ie into my mouth I am a poor person and I can't be wasting food). I can also tell you we'll be picking up Tinsley Mortimer, though she didn't arrive during the first episode. She's fancy and had her own reality show a while back, so hopefully she'll spice up NYC a bit.

The first episode of any housewife franchise is a game of catch up. You haven't seen your girls in a while. So ... here's a little abbreviated taste to get you ready for next week. There is nothing more exciting than seeing a Housewives intro for the first time. New taglines, updated graphics ... I need a fainting couch.

Bethenny: Her divorce is finally final. As part of the settlement she got her apartment back. We see a little video of her running through the house screaming and crying as she works through her memories. MAYBE BEING A ZILLIONAIRE IS HARD, YOU GUYS! She has hired Fredrik Eklund to sell her place. They fight over the pricing, but eventually he agrees to sell it at the higher price that Bethenny wants. How much? $6,995,000. What does a person even do with all of that money? She has two new puppies. WHY did B get TWO new puppies? I mean they're adorable, but WHAT. There names are Biggie and Smalls. CUTE AF. She sells her apartment in ONE DAY. The apartment is amazing, but Fredrik is AMAZING-ER. If you aren't already watching Million Dollar Listing - New York, you should be.

Carole: Carole is one of my all time faves. She's dating a super hot guy, but why did she let him color his hair. It's all bleached and crazy. Whatever. He's hot. He can do what he wants. Adam is moving in, ahem, no, shacking up with Carole. "Moving in" means something too serious. EYEBALL EMOJI. She's got a Trump doll for her dogs and it's hilarious. She's also OBSESSED with the election and an OBVIOUS Clinton fan, which is great but sad because we all know how that's gonna turn out.

Dorinda: D spends the entire episode running around talking to the other girls. Well, all of the other girls except for Sonja. (DRAMATIC MUSIC) She's invited to Luann's wedding, but none of the other girls are. WOW. I can't wait for this to take over a portion of each episode for the next few months.

Luann: Lu's wedding drama is probably going to be THE CENTER of the season. We already know that the only person she's inviting from the group is Dorinda AND that she's having a bachelorette party in Miami that they're not invited to ... I can't wait to see what else happens.

Ramona: Good old Ramona. The original CRAZY EYES. She's updating the look of her apartment and looks like she's doing well and having a great time. She sets up a lunch with Luann to clear the air after last season's reunion drama. She is very vocal about how she doesn't trust Tom and thinks he will cheat on Lu, but also wishes her the best.

Sonja: She's about to star in an off-Broadway play called Sex Tips for Straight Women from a Gay Man. Sonja gives a ton of clothes to Bethenny for a project she's doing with Dress for Success (an awesome not-for-profit that helps women succeed in the workplace). LOOK THEM UP. They're amazing. Though maybe they don't need Gucci pumps and sequined gowns.

I'm interested to see what happens with Tinsley AND the previews show Jill Zarin coming for a visit. I can't wait to see how all of that works out and what sort of trouble we'll be getting into this year. There's still a divide between some of the ladies. Maybe there always is? Hopefully they'll make up, or at the very least TRY ... it's so much fun to watch.

TALKIN' SHIT ABOUT SHIT TOWN

TALKIN' SHIT ABOUT SHIT TOWN

LIFE ISN'T ALL DIAMONDS AND ROSE...BUT IT SHOULD BE

LIFE ISN'T ALL DIAMONDS AND ROSE...BUT IT SHOULD BE