You are probably not shocked to learn that the winds of DRAMA (yes, baby, all caps) are blowing all around everyone’s favorite city. Is there something stronger than wind, bigger than a hurricane? I’m from the Midwest so I have no fucking clue what the hell a Northeaster is or means or if that’s a strong storm to watch out for but one is for sure on its way to New York City. Let’s call it … Ramonethenny. The pinot grigio is about to hit that cute fine merino wool twin set you keep wearing, Momma.
We begin with Ramona shopping at Henri Bendel with her daughter Avery. Baby Singer pulls no punches. She tells her mother the fight with Bethenny is silly and the way she spoke to Bethenny both at the “YOU MADE A BOOBIE MOVIE” dinner AND at Dorinda’s “GET OVER YOURSELF, BITCH” bar meet up was possibly aggressive and could totally be seen as a side attack. Ramona does her best Ramona impression and acts shocked. What do you mean I was being friendly to her and oh so nice and OMG and big eyes and hair side to side and … OMG maybe you’re right. How is this woman so clueless? Also can we pay Avery to follow her mom around all the time and help her be a person in the world because BIG EYES. Momma Singer is CLUELESS.
Sonja meets LuAnn for lunch and they talk about … YEP … Ramonethenny. They’ve both had their fair share of drama with Bethenny and agree the best thing to do with Bethenny drama is give it time and let it be. Bethenny won’t talk about anything until she’s ready. Let it be. HA! I think we both know how good Ramona will be at this.
Dorinda is shopping with Bethenny for furniture and they talk about … eye roll … Ramonethenny. Dorinda’s daughter is moving out, so she’s working on redoing her apartment. Bethenny is tagging along because she’s newly into real estate and might be buying a new place that will need furniture. NONCHALANT PLUG FOR UPCOMING NEW SHOW WITH FREDRIK ECKLUNG. Will she keep apartment number two or flip it? Being rich is so hard. Here’s a bit of shocking and new information: Bethenny is OVER the Ramona situation. She doesn’t want to talk about or to Ramona EVER AGAIN. Look at this couch!
Tins is in a restaurant bar waiting for Ramona. Ramona arrives and takes a survey of the room. She approves and decides to offer man hunting advice to Tins. You should always go to steak restaurants, always sit at the bar alone, always look around and smile. Then? Ramona orders a glass of water in a tall stemmed glass with a straw and also half a shot of vodka on ice with soda, and three limes ALSO in a stemmed glass AND ANOTHER STEMMED GLASS. So … if you were thinking of writing down Ramona’s man hunting advice, I guess that’s fine, but maybe don’t include this drink order. This drink order is why everyone wants to trip Ramona down a flight of stairs on the regular.
Sonja shows up and the three of them sit together and search the room for men. They zero in on a group of young guys. These dudes look like they MIGHT be in their 20s. Don’t think for a moment they’re not gonna go play around with these boys (ACTUAL BOYS). On their way over to hang out with these children Ramona demonstrates her most successful flirting move. She takes her straw in her mouth, looks down and away and then slowly turns her head back slyly and looks up. It’s … something. Tins and Sonja are not impressed.
They’re standing in a crowded restaurant bar right next to these boys and Tins goes in for the flirt. One of the kids takes the bait right away. He’s really cute, you know, FOR A CHILD. They start taking and we find out he’s 23. He seriously looks like a high school student. You know I’d rather walk on my lips than talk about anybody or judge a woman, but Tins is 41. I’m 41 and I don’t have a clue what I would say to a 23 year old boy. They kiss a lot, but she does not go home with him. Thank the lord.
Bethenny is at NBC for Dress for Success’s annual fundraising breakfast. Suddenly a dude comes in and Bethenny softens. It’s weird. We discover this is her dude. Wait. Is this what Bethenny looks like when she’s happy? He’s cute and I can’t lie. He’s very reminiscent of LuAnn’s Tom. I KNOW I KNOW, but it’s so true. I mean maybe that’s because they’re both bald white dudes who wear suits all the time, but whatever. It makes me laugh. Dennis (HER DUDE) is someone she has known for around 30 years. He was dating and then married a friend of hers. When his marriage broke up, he contacted Bethenny and told her he had always had feelings for her. Bethenny tells us this story and giggles like a school girl. Soft Bethenny STRESES ME RIGHT THE FUCK OUT. I mean alright, but of course he contacted this Billionaire chick he knew from way back when.
Then we’re with Carole and Adam. They’re going rock climbing at a gym. Carole is sorta into it, but mostly just because it gets her out of the house and forces her to do things. She sits and talks to a friend of hers while Adam climbs. She talks a lot about how they’re different and tells us A LOT MORE about how Adam is looking for his own apartment. She reiterates that they are still together, but both need a lot of space. Is this all a big fat lie? Are these two breaking up and nobody wants to tell us? She clearly wants her own space. WHAT IS GOING ON YOU GUYS OF ALL THESE BITCHES WHY CAN’T CAROLE FIND LOVE?
Tinsley meets up with her baby man from the other night. His name is Chad. Gross. She tells us he’s not the kind of guy she would normally date, he’s too young for her, but he’s so cute and all she wants right now is to have fun. They’re bowling? I wish they’d show us footage of it actually happening, because the idea sounds completely impossible to me. They make out a lot on camera and there’s tongue and I throw up into my caviar.
Then we’re at a bar with Ramona and a couple of her girlfriends. Some dudes across the room send them drinks and giggle giggle maybe all men aren’t terrible and the sun will shine for one more day. She tells us how she’s looking for a serious life partner. She’s OK, but she would really rather be with someone. She’s not at all depressed about it because she’s NYC. LOL. It’s not like she’s alone in Ohio or somewhere, so she’s confident everything will work out. Aiiight, girl. Slow down. One of the ladies she’s with used to date Tom (Lu’s Tom), because OF COURSE. Has this dude dated everyone on the island of Manhattan? This lady thought she and Tom were dating exclusively, but found out that wasn’t true when she walked into a restaurant to find Tom and LuAnn playing tonsil hockey. So … they broke up after that? Ramona makes a lot of RAMONA FACES at this news. She then tells us she thinks LuAnn knows this crap about Tom, but is more into being married than worrying about what Tom is doing on the side.
Later that night we’re at Dorinda’s charity event … there’s a silent auction with a ton of fabulous items. All of the ladies are there, which is actually pretty nice to see. I mean obvi Bethenny is there talking to Carole nonstop so she can stay away from Ramona, but nobody is wrestling yet. Sonja and Ramona and Tins are combing the room for dudes because these girls are NONSTOP on the prowl. Everything is looking great.
THEN. LuAnn and Tom show up. Bethenny meets Tom for the first time. I’m not sure how that’s a thing that has never happened, but OK. I need to take a moment here to point out that Tom is totally handsome. I don’t even care what anybody has to say about him. Maybe he’s fucking the whole planet behind LuAnn’s back. Let’s just hope not, because he’s hot and even The Countess deserves a hot piece, ya know? Bethenny apologizes to Tom for all of the drama of last season. I think she gets overwhelmed by how good looking he is because she sorta spirals for a moment about everything. Tom brushes the whole thing off and asks her what she’s doing for the holidays.
Carole drags Bethenny away so they can flirt with dudes and get them to bid on auction items for Dorinda. It’s cute. They’re selling this fancy shit for Dorinda. Then Carole gets trapped with a random lady at the auction table and they start talking about LuAnn’s wedding. Lady tells her she’s not excited about the wedding because she thinks LuAnn is just doing this because she has something to prove, that Lu would rather go through with the wedding and get divorced than not have a wedding. OH. MY. GOD. I cannot wait for Ramona to hear about this.