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Hi.

Our thumbs are basically numb from texting back and forth 24/7 about everything we love (AND HATE) that's happening on our televisions, iPads, and eye glasses (hi, we think we're funny) and we thought WHY NOT SHARE THIS JOY WITH THE WORLD?!  

JOIN OUR BOOK CLUB, HEAUX

JOIN OUR BOOK CLUB, HEAUX

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Oh dear sweet baby Moses in a basket SUMMER IS SO HARD. There are so many things to do, people to see, drinks to drink, movies to watch, families to hang with, friends to sit with, places to go, junk to eat, and and and etc etc etc x one zillion. Chicago is especially difficult in the summer. We get like three whole months of decent weather and WE'RE ALL running around like a bunch of chickens with our heads cut off trying to get everything crammed into this tiny little warm window.

All I can think is WINTER IS COMING MF ... LET'S DO SOME SHIT. What that does is make me so completely exhausted by mid-summer (IE RIGHT MF NOW) that I have to get out my compact, look deep into my eyes, and say to myself ... this is not an emergency, there is no emergency. Whatever. Like I'm perfect. Like I have myself together. I DO NOT. I'm a work in progress just like you. Let me calm down, I'm not a therapist. I'm just giving you some of my inner monologue.

Oh, lord. I'm starting to sound like Dr. Phil. What I really mean to say is we are all behind on our todo list so TAKE A SEAT! You're not gonna make that organic blackberry jam by sundown and I'm not going to be able to do a handstand by the end of the month. SO RELAX. You're laughing like that's a joke but I'm serious as a batch of margaritas out on my veranda. DEEP SIGH.

One of my favorite ways to relax is by reading. You should try it. Lucky for you we're trying to knock Oprah off her book club throne with our READ FOR FILTH: A BOOK CLUB FOR HEAUXS. Though, we might wanna try a little harder since WE ARE BEHIND (I mean have you been reading I've been giving you clues for a while now). Here we are at the end of July and we haven't mentioned our Book Club pick. GASP. HOW COULD WE. Yes, we're late, but you've been reading this little message so you know SUMMER IS HARD. So whatever. This isn't GOOP, so chill out.

This month's pick is The Thorn Birds by Colleen McCullough. Yes, girl. We're gettin' all vintage and shit with our summer pick. I wasn't reading way back in 1977 when this epic came out, and unless you're my mom checking in on my interneting (Hi, MOM!) you weren't either. So ... let's do this. What a shame we can't pretend it's 1977, way back before we got flushed down toilet by the election of 2016.

The novel follows the Cleary family and spans the years 1915-1969. It's set primarily on Drogheda - a fictional sheep station in the Australian Outback. WHAT! GIRL. I KNOW. WE'RE ALL INTERNATIONAL AND SHIT. The novel is the best selling book in Australian history and has sold over 33 million copies worldwide.

If you read it like a good little Heaux, you'll be your mom's favorite and you'll have something new to talk about when you call her this Sunday. So yeah, let's relax and forget our troubles and plans and that giant summer to do list and get it on with the Cleary family.

Don't get nervous. There is no test. There are no essay questions. It's just some super summer fun. We might check in on you and see how you're doing, but don't get scared. JUST GET THE BOOK, HEAUX and GET TO READING. But like ... no pressure ... summer is real hard.

WASTED AWAY IN MARGARITAVILLE (RHONY RECAP)

WASTED AWAY IN MARGARITAVILLE (RHONY RECAP)

STORMBORN (GOT RECAP)

STORMBORN (GOT RECAP)